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Pleasurable Parenting: Flexible Reward Chart

Date: February 12, 2015

Umm Salihah Ahmed, a blog writer and a loving mother tells about a flexible reward chart on pleasurable parenting. The content of the blog can be read in an abridged format as follows: Children are the focus of our life and we are all on the way to parent them in the best lovable and pleasurable way. She is a compassionate devotee of Islam religion and believes that children are the blessings of Allah and thus we have to treat them in a divine way. Just wipe out the feelings of stress, worries, guilty and cruelty and to start dedicating our life to parent our children. We have to understand the faults of our children, so that we can correct them timely. At the same time we can celebrate their strengths, be gentle in the way we guide them and recognise when the right way to discipline requires a loving approach that tries to identify why a child might be rebelling rather than punishment. The best way to have a good parent is to agree with the qualities of our children first and to lead them to a positive approach to life. By accepting the continuous request from her kids, she has prepared a reward chart for them. The chart incorporated nine broad blogcategories of activity that could generate a reward (or merit) and each child had a different coloured dot to identify who did something good. She also added a bar across the top to show weeks from now to the end of the year.

Precious Gifts a Person Leaves Behind

"The best of what a man leaves behind are three: a righteous child who supplicates for him, ongoing charity the reward of which reaches him, and knowledge that is acted upon after him."

Sunan Ibn Mājah

Angelic Daily Prayers for Generosity

"Every day two angels come down from Heaven and one of them says, 'O Allah! Compensate every person who spends in Your Cause,' and the other (angel) says, 'O Allah! Destroy every miser.'"

Sahih Bukhari

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Motherhood and Anxieties: A Comment on Hitting

This is a blog by a mother about her child’s behaviour at school and her reply to the child to make him the best boy in the world. The incident was all about her child Gorgeous’ trouble making at school by hitting the toilet door while two boys were found together inside the toilet. She realized that best to steer or discipline my children when necessary using reasoning or by displaying anger in a non-violent manner, rather than by hitting. She says that hitting is not the most constructive way to parent and can lead to children expressing their own anger in inappropriate ways such as hitting others and not knowing how to express their frustration appropriately as adults. She also reminds that gentleness with children is part of the sunnah of our beloved Prophet. Now a days the news media channels are continuously streaming stories on child abuse related to sexting and pornography. The government indicates that the development of children is being impacted by an increasingly sexualised environment. Wiping out this bad environment is out of sight. But we can lead our kids in the protected environment with our guidance and affection. And this is a message to all the mothers in this world that moms are the best of their children so that they can share the things or events which hurt them from anywhere and she can cure their wounds of bad feelings.

PARENTS IN OUR LIFE

Islam is a religion which teaches us to be dutiful and to show respect to our parents. Allah (SWT) has gifted us with parents which we did not choose, instead HE chose them for us. The Supreme Maker took this decision as a test for them as well as for us. This is the reason why Allah (SWT) says we should be kind to our parents. Parents are given the next highest status after Allah (SWT) and his Prophets. We are blessed with parents who guide us and love us from the beginning of our lives. A baby needs the guidance and support of a human being for survival. If we were not looked after by our mother we would have died. It is the duty of the parent to feed the child and accommodate the child and to have a good relationship with the child. It is said in a hadith: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked him: _“O” Messenger of Allah, who among people is more deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Then your father". (Bukhari and Muslim) Children are a trust given to the parents by the ALMIGHTY. HE has given them the power to guide them and to build them as a good human being, but He has given the parents a boundary step which they should not cross to achieve something they want as it is the right of the children to make a choice. If the children make a wrong decision it is the duty of the parents to guide them and tell them and to convince them about this choice. A parent should always try to be the role model of the child by doing good things. Parents should be like friends with their children so that they can run to you without fear when they need to tell you something. As our parents do all these for us we owe to them respect and kindness. Even after the death of our parents we should pray, give charity on their behalf and perform dua for them.

WHAT AWAITS US IN JANNAH

Are you amazed by the word “JANNAH’? Ok, let’s start with the word ‘Jannah’. What is Jannah?. Yes, we all know it’s heaven, but the word Jannah means “Garden”. We are all afraid of hell and we have been hearing about the torments in hell. Now if we just reverse our thoughts from hell to heaven what is there in heaven. In very simple words Allah SWT says “Whatever your soul wishes will be there in heaven”. Everything that you need will be rewarded to you in abundance and to your wish. There will be rivers of milk (the milk that doesn’t get spoiled), honey, fresh juices, water etc. that which will never stop, it will only get better. Allah SWT says Jannah has in it something far greater and bigger than each person’s singular paradise. SubhanAllah isn’t it amazing?. In Jannah it’s something that our eyes have never seen, all that we see in the earth doesn’t qualify in Jannah. Even the same husbands and wives will be far better in Jannah in a manner we wished them to be. Even our body which we think is perfect is not qualified to go to Jannah. Allah SWT makes everything perfect in order to be qualified to enter Jannah. Mufti Menk in this video says when you see heaven you will say I have never ever seen something like this and I have never ever heard of something like this and I have never ever dreamt of something like this and I never thought this is what it would be like. So why don’t we take up this opportunity. This is what Allah SWT has in store for the ones who live according to his will. Don’t you want to be one among them. May Allah SWT accept all our deeds and grand us Jannah. Mufti Menk in this video has excellently briefed about Jannah. Do listen to his words and honestly try to be one amongst them to enter Jannah.