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Pleasurable Parenting: Flexible Reward Chart

Date: February 12, 2015

Umm Salihah Ahmed, a blog writer and a loving mother tells about a flexible reward chart on pleasurable parenting. The content of the blog can be read in an abridged format as follows: Children are the focus of our life and we are all on the way to parent them in the best lovable and pleasurable way. She is a compassionate devotee of Islam religion and believes that children are the blessings of Allah and thus we have to treat them in a divine way. Just wipe out the feelings of stress, worries, guilty and cruelty and to start dedicating our life to parent our children. We have to understand the faults of our children, so that we can correct them timely. At the same time we can celebrate their strengths, be gentle in the way we guide them and recognise when the right way to discipline requires a loving approach that tries to identify why a child might be rebelling rather than punishment. The best way to have a good parent is to agree with the qualities of our children first and to lead them to a positive approach to life. By accepting the continuous request from her kids, she has prepared a reward chart for them. The chart incorporated nine broad blogcategories of activity that could generate a reward (or merit) and each child had a different coloured dot to identify who did something good. She also added a bar across the top to show weeks from now to the end of the year.

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Motherhood and Anxieties: A Comment on Hitting

This is a blog by a mother about her child’s behaviour at school and her reply to the child to make him the best boy in the world. The incident was all about her child Gorgeous’ trouble making at school by hitting the toilet door while two boys were found together inside the toilet. She realized that best to steer or discipline my children when necessary using reasoning or by displaying anger in a non-violent manner, rather than by hitting. She says that hitting is not the most constructive way to parent and can lead to children expressing their own anger in inappropriate ways such as hitting others and not knowing how to express their frustration appropriately as adults. She also reminds that gentleness with children is part of the sunnah of our beloved Prophet. Now a days the news media channels are continuously streaming stories on child abuse related to sexting and pornography. The government indicates that the development of children is being impacted by an increasingly sexualised environment. Wiping out this bad environment is out of sight. But we can lead our kids in the protected environment with our guidance and affection. And this is a message to all the mothers in this world that moms are the best of their children so that they can share the things or events which hurt them from anywhere and she can cure their wounds of bad feelings.

PARENTS IN OUR LIFE

Islam is a religion which teaches us to be dutiful and to show respect to our parents. Allah (SWT) has gifted us with parents which we did not choose, instead HE chose them for us. The Supreme Maker took this decision as a test for them as well as for us. This is the reason why Allah (SWT) says we should be kind to our parents. Parents are given the next highest status after Allah (SWT) and his Prophets. We are blessed with parents who guide us and love us from the beginning of our lives. A baby needs the guidance and support of a human being for survival. If we were not looked after by our mother we would have died. It is the duty of the parent to feed the child and accommodate the child and to have a good relationship with the child. It is said in a hadith: A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked him: _“O” Messenger of Allah, who among people is more deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Then your father". (Bukhari and Muslim) Children are a trust given to the parents by the ALMIGHTY. HE has given them the power to guide them and to build them as a good human being, but He has given the parents a boundary step which they should not cross to achieve something they want as it is the right of the children to make a choice. If the children make a wrong decision it is the duty of the parents to guide them and tell them and to convince them about this choice. A parent should always try to be the role model of the child by doing good things. Parents should be like friends with their children so that they can run to you without fear when they need to tell you something. As our parents do all these for us we owe to them respect and kindness. Even after the death of our parents we should pray, give charity on their behalf and perform dua for them.

Baba; My Soul and My Guide

Hiba Masood a writer, speaker and a story teller talks about her Baba's influence in teaching Quran and its holy threads in her wonderful opinion piece "Baba, The Quran and Me". When she was in her younger age, she had to recite Quran every day, that her Baba taught her to do so without fail. She memorizes her childhood experience in the holy month of Ramadan as well as her Baba's powerful Ramadan experiences. Her Baba looked after all his children with extreme care. She had not faced poverty or any other means difficulties in life. Baba used to talk about his life and his days spent with his eight brothers and sisters used to look like. They were like in abject poverty, splitting one bowl of food for Iftar amongst a family of eleven and so on. Baba used to say that once all the work is done, you should recite Quran in every single possible minute. Every letter you recite during Ramadan has 70 times the regular reward? That means every letter, like saying Alif, gets you seven hundred good deeds. Years passed and with all the impetuous, rebellion of youth, of spending my days in smoke-filled rooms, strategizing with socialist/activists, and my evenings protesting against the Iraq war on the frozen streets of Toronto. Of not praying at all, of not so much as glancing towards the dusty shelf where my Qur'an sat the entire year. Next year Hiba got married and her brand new husband got astonished by her behavior and activities. She never proper placed her shoes and she always misplaced her cell phone. And she blessed with a baby boy just before the month of holy Ramadan. And there have many, many more years filled with anxiety, scary financial strain and a stormy marriage of sickness and grief. Years passed with no changes. Hiba recited Quran verses just as a routine, or just like fasting in the month of Ramadan without knowing the rewards of reciting. At last wisdom came to her brain at the age of thirty and she started to settle in life. Slowly, as an enthusiastically expected reconnection, she started reciting Quran well to Allah to the Qur'an to her childhood, to her father and to herself. Now her beloved father is aging and sick and she is in great agony by thinking about her sick dad. She used to caress his dad's grey hair, press her cheeks to his. She says that she misses him a lot and she is afraid of the future. But most of all, she whisper her gratitude. Gratitude for gifting her so freely all the things, all the lessons, all the beliefs, all the forces of habit and inspiring stories and abiding, enriching traditions that have blessed her life. Ultimately he was the lighthouse when he was able.

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